Friends from Peshawar

A former student of mine from NCA was in town so I went to visit him at the college. I spent some time catching up with Suffi sahib as well, before Abdur Rahman and a couple of his artist friends from Peshawar head out for a walk. His friend Imran had never been to Lahore before, so we went to the Lahore Museum next door. Though I am tired at this point in the trip, whenever I see some interesting art, ideas start flowing and I feel excited to create new things or continue with what I have already started.After the museum, we had some food in Anarkali, before Abdur Rahman needed to go take care of some chores. I offered to show Imran and Shams around. We spent the day walking through new Anarkali, to Lohari Gate. From there, we walked through winding lanes, admiring bits of old architecture whilst dodging traffic. I took them to see the beautiful Naunihal Singh Haveli. From there we walked through all the cloth markets, past Sunheri Masjid and found our way to Masjid Wazir Khan. Incidentally, I had never actually walked by Sunheri Masjid before. I had heard of it and seen some photos, but each time I walk these old lanes a different way and come upon new things, that have been there for ages.They really enjoyed all the detailed fresco and tile work on Masjid Wazir Khan. We sat down for a bit as the sun began to lower in the sky. We had done a lot of walking. From there we walked around the Shahi Hamam or royal bath house before hopping on a Qing Qi outside Delhi Gate and head to Data Darbar. From there we figured out where they needed to go next to meet a relative of Shams’. I sat them on a wagon (van) and sent them off, before walking down Ferozpur road and hopping on a Qing Qi the rest of the way back.It was nice to share the city. I have been to most of those places several times on this trip, but if someone is visiting the city for the first time, those are certainly some things they should see. I told them to try and visit the fort and Badshahi Mosque the next day. I felt tired as I got home. I want to try and make good use of the limited time I have left in Pakistan, before I head back. I worked on a design for the final background I need to get finished and then sat, just thinking abit about what comes next.

Trip to Ichra

I had picked up some clay pots in Multan for one of the stories for my puppet film “Risalo”, but felt that the larger ones were a bit roughly finished and I could use some more. The size I needed was not available at a number of shops I searched around Lahore, and a friend had suggested I go to Shama chowk.The chowk itself is around Ichra Bazaar, which is apparently the oldest part of Lahore. I had passed it many times while riding the metro across town and figured that I would go there at some point, but it had yet to happen. So it was, that I made plans to go. My friends Ifthikhar and Mohsin agreed to join me, and though that made us start about 3 hours late (it is seriously difficult to get people to stick to a schedule here), I was very thankful for the company.The metro was insanely packed. It is always packed, so when I say that it was even more packed than usual, that means I spent the duration of the trip pressed up against a lot of people rather intensely. Getting out was that much more of a challenge, but I made it out, like ripping free from the clutches of some hungry beast.Mohsin and Ifthikhar got there about 7 or 8 buses later. We walked down to the main road. An old man asked me how to get to the bus in the opposite direction. This is a huge problem with traffic and metro here. There is almost never a safe way to cross the street. I manage, but just barely, so you can imagine that elderly people or anyone disabled, or just any regular human being is going to find it difficult to impossible to cross through traffic that comes from all directions and never lets up. It is a cruel and dangerous setup. The metro does not have a way for pedestrians to cross from one side to the other. You have to walk down a long flight of stairs, cross anywhere from 6 to 9 lanes of traffic, and find an unobstructed crossing point in the middle, then run across the other side.I looked at the old man asking for directions to the other side. I glanced up and down the street. There were stairs that crossed over the street a good distance from where we were. I told him to cross there. We had to go the same way, so we saw him and four women hobble painfully down the street to the stairs, then up and down the other side, only to have to keep going to get back to the metro stairs, then up again.We continued on our way and found a shop that sold clay decorations. They had some pots that could work, but I wanted to explore more options before deciding. We would come back this way when taking the metro back home anyway, so I I figured we would go explore the bazaar for other options if there were any.Through backstreets we came across an old gateway with beautiful fine brick work. It turned out that the gateway lead to an old mandir, or Hindu temple. When Pakistan and India split in 1947 and the bloodshed of partition caused mass migration on both sides, the Hindus and Sikhs of Lahore left as many Muslims from across the border made their way here in one of the largest mass migrations and massacres.Refugee families came to Lahore, while many who had lived here for countless generations left. Those families that came here were allotted homes, including spaces within this mandir. So the numerous rooms that lined the perimeter of this large mandir had been converted into small single room residences where families had been living for at least three generations. They had treated the spaces with respect, though their former religious functions had ceased long ago. Then when the Babri Masjid was destroyed in India, by fanatical Hindus, the fanatical Muslim groups in Lahore decided that they needed to destroy mandirs. The Muslim residents told us how they were extremely afraid, running to save their families as crowds of politically motivated groups descended upon these long abandoned places of worship and caused damage that is still visible today.It always makes me sad to see these remains. The dead buildings seem to echo the anguish of all those displaced and murdered to make way for what exactly, I do not know. We explored for a bit, before continuing to Ichra. There were a ton of cloth and clothing shops. I picked up some sewing supplies that Umar had asked for as we explored. We did see some pottery shops, but none with anything useful for me. In the end, after much walking with friends, we went to the first shop near the metro to pick up the clay pots we had seen there. This time, the first man I had spoken to was nowhere to be seen and his assistant was running the shop. I asked for a dozen of the clay pots I needed. He mumbled something about six times and all I could figure was that he was quoting a higher price than the owner had earlier, but I could not make out exactly how much. I did not care. I just kept telling him the pots were rs. 30 each as had been stated earlier and that I would take 12.I got a ladder and brought them down. He filled all twelve in a single plastic bag. I had to insist, several times for two bags. He refused several times. Finally he said for me to pay him the money first, since he thought I would run away otherwise. This guy was quite the character. So, I paid him, he brought the change and we put the pots in two bags before Mohsin, Ifthikhar and I squeezed back onto the metro and head back home.Umar spent the night working meticulously on adding backing and borders to the backgrounds he had completed. I must say, they look quite incredible all finished and ready to hang.

Looking at clay pots

I had stayed the night. In the morning I spent time with my cousins and aunt. Faiza baaji, who has been instrumental in many of my Punjabi language efforts on other projects, took me to her collection of clay decorations, to see if there was anything I could find useful for my film, “Risalo”. I did find a few pieces to finish off the unfinished hookah prop I picked up from Multan.Besides that, it was just nice to take a break from sitting in isolation waiting for time to pass. I left in the late afternoon to head back to the other side of town. This is part of the process of wrapping things up before I leave for home. I had picked up the other suitcase I had and spent a few hours trying to figure out how to get all the film related props, puppets, backgrounds and production gear into my suitcases while still keeping it at some estimate of the airline baggage weight limits.

Keep going

In the morning, Umar and I picked up some more cloth from the Landa bazaar. Though we have often picked up cloth from the second hand sellers outside, on this day, we head inside the shops, deeper within the market where they sell all kinds of new cloth. The shopkeeper we had called before coming was still not there so we searched the neighboring shops for some other cloth needs.I looked at more cloth that could make for an interesting river background. I had figured out the mechanics for the design that I thought would work. It takes a lot of time to find the right material and certainly, new cloth is more expensive, but very necessary for certain tasks.After hours of hunting and bargaining, I handed the bags of cloth to Umar and sent him home, then walked down the street to grab a rickshaw to my relatives. The rickshaw driver was interesting. He quoted me the right price, so I did not need to bargain. I hopped in and we were on our way. He discussed all kinds of life philosophies with me along the way. Luckily, he did not need a response from me beyond an occasional “mm hmmm”. It is very loud in a rickshaw, with the sound of the vehicle and all the traffic around it. Add to that the fact that the driver is thankfully facing the road and all of his sound is being projected away from where I was sitting in the back and it makes it very tough to understand much of a conversation.I picked up that he was grateful for all that he had despite hardships and that love for all was all that mattered. People love to compliment themselves and share how virtuous they might be. Who knows what is true and what not. I was just along for the ride. I thanked him for getting me there safely, then spent the rest of the day and night catching up with my relatives over some nice food and a break from the world of puppets.

Reflection

Imran and Umar provide a breakfast feast.

I sent some money to the puppeteers for their time, waiting to be called to Lahore for “Risalo”. It is interesting. I look back at how I had planned to shoot the film on my little Canon Rebel T4i with it’s minimal 720p resolution for raw recording with Magic Lantern. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to shoot on a nice professional grade camera, with a proper crew. I really did want that, but there was no way for me to afford it.I understood the limitations of my budget and tried to make a plan within that. Yet when I came to Lahore, I was told by so many well meaning production related friends that I was foolish to do that. Surely they would help me to gain the resources I needed to shoot the film with a cinema quality camera and crew. This is not a huge project and my planning is quite meticulous as far as what we need to shoot, so it was well within the realm of possibility. However, for that to happen depended on a few variables beyond my control.Contacts who knew the people that could provide crew and equipment. I had that.People to state what they wished to help with honesty.People who actually felt connected to the purpose and the film to work with me rather than getting people just trying to size you up and see what they can take you for.Two and three were my downfall. It took so much energy to set things up properly and get the key people and equipment in place that when the promises and reassurances all turned out to be lies, I had neither funds nor energy to continue with a shoot. Certainly I tried, but that endless sizing you up to squeeze you as hard as possible is what forced me to stop the production right here. This is not how I can make this film.The biggest casualties here are the puppeteers, who will go back to their menial labor jobs. Thankfully there are opportunities for them to begin making puppets again which can lead to performances and a more sustainable life for them. This depends now on them putting in the effort to do this, with the support that friends and I can provide. We’ll see how this goes. Being open and looking out for the puppeteers was appreciated by them, when it came to production people I met, that same attitude was seen as weakness and they sharpened their knives that much more. So the far more educated and wealthy people were the dirtiest and nastiest of the bunch. The puppeteers called me as Khurshid visited them to distribute the funds I sent. Jamil thanked me for not forgetting them and for treating them with respect and care. It is so necessary to work with people with whom you can create a bond like that, rather than these production people that I came across.I texted the DP that dropped out and told him, that I wished he had told me he had no interest in doing this film before I went to Multan. I had visited him and shown him the animatics for both stories, reconfirmed that he was on board, gave him the option of splitting the production into a week in November and a week or less in December according to his schedule. Yet here he was intent on telling me he would do the work, only to begrudgingly say he was out, once I had raised the hopes of the puppeteers and trained with them. Even his admission followed another attempt to delay telling me for another ten days?!So what does this tell me? It does not matter how good their friends are and how good they are to their friends in a non professional space. As I have made my decision to rearrange the schedule for the film, by going home to my family and hopefully a job, while working on the animation and audio portions of the film, I find myself having to explain to so many people. People tell me that I should have planned better to get an Indian Visa and go there to work, or I should have magically had more money, or I should have hired more production people at the beginning to help record the music, or I should have been better, smarter and more capable at everything. Sure, I wish I was, and that more things came easily, but no. This has been my struggle and my effort. Having seen the video folks that same friend recommended, I don’t see how I would have fared better with his audio friends. People have all the answers when they are not actually doing the work. It all sounds great as an idea, but once you try those resources, you realize the painful process of bringing each piece to life.There is a lot of learning from this process, but unfortunately, it consists largely of making more money and staying away from Pakistani production specialists. I had this lesson regarding music folks when I came to record music for “Gul", then actors when I came to record voices for another project and now video production people and arts institutions on “Risalo”. These are not just my experiences, for along the way I have heard so many horror stories regarding other friends’ dealings with arts institutions run by corrupt appointees. Now I must leave, to create this work and survive these challenges, but in an entirely different place and with a different set of circumstances to be determined.I would leave tomorrow if Umar was not still working on backgrounds. I might as well finish that so I do not have to return in case I end up shooting the film elsewhere. The suitcases are heavy and I will likely pay a great deal to take it all back. That does not make it seem likely that I will return to shoot in Pakistan.

pound of flesh

I woke up feeling a little less crummy than the past few days. I no longer felt as strong a desire to protect and promote people who might be potentially involved in the project. Certainly, there is a level of paranoia and truth to seeing these production people around me as being calculating and trying to see how much skin they can slice off your bones.This has recurred during the process of trying to make “Risalo”. Musicians applied pressure to squeeze out more money, as did puppeteers. Based on the level of income they usually received, people reached out for money. The less well off would try to squeeze out a few more thousand rupees. Production people who work in an industry where they see the potential to make thousands of dollars a day on high profile commercials want to squeeze that out of everyone that walks past. This is despite the fact that fewer can command anywhere near that as far as fees for their work. So some jerk of a producer cuts them down to size and gets them to work for what they are willing to give. Things are not different at other jobs and industries around the world, but it is a bit more extreme here than in some places.I thought about all of this garbage in the morning. I opened up some recordings I had made of the puppeteers practicing in Multan. The work was not particularly polished. It would take a lot to get decent performances from them, but it might be possible. It made me wonder whether I could effectively shoot this film while fighting with production folks and pulling out performances from the puppeteers. That’s not who I am and it is not how I want to work.There was much to learn here. Certainly, I could become a bit more producer like in my dealings, but I kept wondering whether what I was risking all of this for was going to be worth it with this bunch of people. It is a tough decision to switch paths, but you can’t just run down a road because you are on it.I spent the morning pacing around the living room, thinking about what I could and should do. It is time to leave. Yes I can play the game to some extent and get some work done, but I don’t want to work with these people who so blatantly just want to see how big a piece they can gouge out of you. I will do my part and pay the puppeteers a bit more for their time and see if they can take the initiative of puppet making, leveraging the connections I have given them.Beyond that, I have things to pack, some finishing work to do with my friend Umar, and perhaps the first step to a better way of seeing this film through. I don’t want to give up on my optimism or the desire to do some interesting work that helps to support fellow artists, but I think I have run far enough down this particular path.I feel a sense of loss, but I realize that I can’t shoot this film with so much madness. So it was that I had to break the news to the puppeteers. With friends, I am also trying to get their puppet making going again so that they can sell pieces to the public. That is a big way that puppetry has survived in Rajasthan, just across the border in India, and with all the handicrafts events in cities around Pakistan, I think people would really love them. They just need some help getting started, some exposure to different quality and price tiers that they can create and some funding to start. So, I’m trying to help facilitate creation of one puppet as a starting point. Let’s see where we can go from there.It was really painful telling the puppeteers that we won’t be able to shoot the film. Instead of making promises to them about shooting in the future, I will keep working to connect them to opportunities now. I think there is a lot of potential here, but I feel sick in my stomach that this did not go through, after all the reassurances and checking in with our DP/producer. There’s only so much I can do, but I feel like a piece of me died. That’s not the project, but what we hoped to create together right now, does not seem possible. This is just the beginning of where we go next.

To become that which you hate

A few friends of Imran’s came over and cooked a delicious meal of eggplant and rice while I added lighting references to my spreadsheet for Sorath. I continued to put the word out to try and work out the many logistical issues that have been thrust back on my shoulders since the loss of the person who had agreed to DP and line produce the film. He came in with a lot of promises, and I made sure to keep him in the loop as I moved forward and checked in with him to make sure he was still interested, but after much chasing around to get a hold of him, he dropped the project, just as I had secured puppeteers.That puts into question how I can manage this production. Getting the performances for the film out of these puppeteers who are not quite so finely trained is going to take everything I have and more, but now I have to wrangle camera, light, location, funding and so much more on top of all of that. So I put out calls to friends to see what we could come up with.I’m not gonna pretend this is easy. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure, and on top of the work, there is a realization that financially, I could get back and be all right until I can find a job at the present, but if I sink more into this production, I will be in a much more difficult position. So I tried to enjoy some time with friends, but my mind is of course fixated on these many challenges.Imran’s friend Hisham offered some good advice later that night. He reassured me that regardless of how things went, things would get done. It might not be shot with the skill I want, but one way or another it will get done. My friend Imran had also talked to me about trying to be okay with just letting go, while still doing his best to contact people who may be able to help with resources. It is tough to let go, but important to reassess the overall situation. Is it best to continue down this road, or put a stop to things and regroup?We walked down the street for some late night jalaibis in hot milk. I came back and felt a little lighter. Then I spoke to a potential DP on the phone. He was interested, but wanted to know what I could offer in terms of a budget. That is a fair enough question. I talked to him about the production and where we were at the moment. I discussed what I could pay and other options. I talked to him as someone looking out not just for my interests but for his as well. He is a student, and one thing I have tried to do during this process is to make sure that the people I work with have a good environment to work in. It does leave me open to being labeled naive or easy to take advantage of, but there is a balance in my opinion, between creating a nurturing environment where you can build relationships based on mutual trust and a desire to see each other succeed. The problem arises when both parties are not on the same wavelength regarding that.Afterwards, I talked to another production friend, who is on the opposite end of the spectrum. He tells me about how cut throat everyone is and how he too is the same. It turns out the other DP had dropped out because he decided that he saw no financial gain to be had. Why he wanted me to wait another 10 days, I don’t know. He did know, and said so himself that this was an art film with no commercial value when we first met. He agreed to take on a producer and DP role all the same, making all kinds of lavish promises. I checked with other production friends who know him well and they all vouched for him.Yet in the end, he strung me along, like a vulture, waiting to see if he could get any bits, until he felt there was nothing to get from me and dropped the project. Talking to my rougher around the edges production friend, he made a strong point that my way was not the way to deal with this sea of rabid dogs. It was a very bitter pill to swallow. Once again, I looked back at a lot of my experience working with different artists on this project and the conversation just made me revisit every person who pushed to get a little more of a bite out of me. If I was going to do this project with these people, I needed to push back and get just as cut throat. He is right. Though I resisted the idea in the conversation, and was pretty mad about it all, he was right and by the end of the conversation, I agreed. So this is what needed to be done, but the question for me remained, is this what I should do?I talked a lot to Umar, who was nice enough to listen and share his experiences. He was starting his night shift of working on backgrounds for the film. Each person has their challenges and certainly financial needs to deal with. The question is, how ugly do you get in this system and when you become no different than anyone else, will you still be able to create something beautiful out of all that ugly maneuvering. There seemed to be a lot of maneuvering going on with production people and that’s not my way. Yet if you find yourself working within a system, do you become it or set it on fire. I think you can guess which option I lean towards.

Reconfigure

As things are being shifted around and refigured, there are a lot of little positive things going in during the production of “Risalo”. As I have been working on this project, I’ve been traveling around the country in the course of my work and in doing so, I end up at a grass roots level, revitalizing the idea of traditional puppetry. Many people have expressed interest in hiring a group to perform, or bringing them to different institutions.While that may or may not happen, there is some ground work being laid for future plans. Now that I have finally met Abdul Hakim sahib, who can make puppets, we have a starting point. Several people who saw the puppeteers when we went to the design school expressed an interest in having puppets made. This is a way that puppeteers in India have been earning for many years, but that has never happened in Pakistan. I am trying to facilitate this, by explaining some of the opportunities that can come out of this process to the puppeteers. They suggested I buy some premade ones. They do not sell their own, but some may have puppets that they are willing to sell. These are family heirlooms, and I really have no interest in separating these artists from the treasures of their elders. So, I have explained that we want them to earn from this and start puppet making once again. At first it will be the master puppet maker creating a puppet head and perhaps other family members can make clothes and paint it.If a few people in Multan get puppets made, then a process will begin. Then it can spread from there. Eventually, I would love to see these puppeteers with a booth of their own at an event like Daatchi, selling puppets and booking performances directly with the general public. I think it will take some time, but if we can get things started now, it could even happen within a year’s time. The beauty of it is that no one need stand between the puppeteers and the general public or their earnings. I really want to see this happen.Other than that, it has been a roller coaster ride today. I have to pull this production together somehow. My funds are low. I of course have the puppeteers properly covered, but I don’t have much left for any additional expenses, such as equipment rental or hiring a DP. So I have my beggar’s bowl out so to speak to see if I can get the help that I need. I also have to keep in mind that if I need to pull the plug on this and try again another day, then that is my last resort. It would be very painful and I am doing everything in my power to prevent that, but there is that.It is tough to keep on task when there are so many things to figure out and a lot of uncertainty, but with any production, you have to keep moving forward. I continued to fill in the shot spreadsheet and then took a walk to pick up some materials for props. I bought a clean jharroo (kind of broom) and created little puppet sized jharroos from it. One more prop crossed off the list.I met with a few DPs today. I am thankful for their time. One dropped by and watched the Sohni animatic. He felt that the piece could use animation to bring it to life. His thought was that the things that these puppets can’t do, such as changing facial expressions or creating detail in the backgrounds, could be done with 3D animation. He is a very talented photographer, so it was good to hear his thoughts. They differ with what I am attempting to do, but he was very straight forward about his feedback and offered to at least visit the set and offer some technical advice once he is back in Lahore. I appreciated that.Afterwards, another pair of DPs came by. They had just finished a shoot for the day. I can imagine they were quite tired, but here they were, willing to take a look at “Risalo” and give it some consideration. I’m not much of a salesmen in terms of pushing people into making decisions they may regret later. I would much rather lay out what we have and certainly tell a person why I feel this is a great project to be a part of, but in the end, I want people to do what they feel best about. I want to create a great environment for people to work together and flourish.They agreed to discuss the project and get back to me. I feel like there are three scenarios for this project. Ideally, I would love to have a fully committed DP who can dive into the project and bring their love and creativity to it. Barring that, perhaps a few people can commit time to different scenes or stories, which they can put their personal stamp on, building on the framework I have laid out. If that is not possible, then I have a contingency plan. I have a group of friends who are talented artists and photographers, but not necessarily DPs. We’re all on this project one way or another, and we’ll get some initial guidance and go for it if other options don’t come through. I felt a bit better after deciding on that. My friends Imran, Shoal and Yaser are also trying to connect me to resources and people. So I need to get camera and lighting gear, explore places we can shoot and stay, finish up spreadsheets, get a DP, finish up props, guide backgrounds to the finish and figure out any and all other logistics to make this thing happen while still making sure I have just enough money left to get back home and put together a life again.No pressure, consider your work done…

Bring to a boil

After many unanswered text messages to the director of photography, I tried one more before going to bed. I woke the next day, and well into the morning there was still no reply. I could not concentrate on the rest of the shot breakdowns. I needed to know that we were going to shoot this film. Finally, I called him again and the phone seemed to ring and ring, until at last he picked up the phone. I was not sure it was him at first. He barely spoke. I talked to him and it turned out that unlike that first day when he wanted to grow the production. I suggested we shoot on a Canon Mark III, he suggested we’d shoot on 2 Black Magic Cinema cameras and create a full pulley system (which I felt was not needed) for the puppetry and shoot on some location he had in mind. Well, today, after all that, and weeks of not getting together any kind of budget or steps towards progress on his end, he dropped out.He had taken on some commercial projects and that was the end of it. So, why I wonder had he suggested I wait for him to be free by November 17th? Seriously, I wonder how much people want to destroy this project if on a subconscious level? I mean what the hell? Why did he string me along all this time? So, another door closed. Perhaps he might allow me to use some of the equipment at his disposal, but I wondered if I had the strength or funds to pull this thing together. After all that I have been through, I got slammed by that same issue that made my work in Lahore back in 2010 so difficult. “Aaap samjo aap ka kaam ho gya (consider your work done).” He didn’t use that sentence, but the results were much the same.Once again, I considered the very real possibility that I needed to pull the plug on this project, instead of continuing to do the work I was trying to finish. I sent a few messages and made a few calls to see if there were options. People encouraged me to stay and finish the project. Help was offered. I like the sound of it, but the help needs to happen, otherwise the project is still dead in the water and if I don’t finish soon, so am I. Being without money seems to be the biggest sin all over the world. To hit that point is where you will feel the disdain of society, piled high upon you. What a pathetic situation I find myself in. I fight against all odds to get this music together in Sindh where people visited my room and tried to evict me, where the people in charge of the recording space down to the gate keeper put constant pressure on me to shut down things during my recording sessions at an institute that was created to promote Sindhi culture as I worked on a project based on the greatest Sindhi poet, paying all costs to do so and support Sindhi musicians. Musicians would not rehearse, even when paid to, puppeteers were unknown to all the folk art and performing arts institutions. Yet I found them, and gathered a rag tag team, even trained with them to do something new, yet here I was. People don’t want to follow through with their word. Sure, the idea of working on something to promote your culture and art sounds nice, but why would you want to actually do that?So, I looked at ticket prices to go home. I wasn’t broke yet, and if the film was not going to happen at this time, I would be better off returning, recuperating, saving up by working at jobs, while I worked on other parts of the film and if I was foolish enough, I could return with a proper crew in place to shoot the rest of it. Sohail sahib put me in touch with another dp friend that is a mutual friend of his and Imran’s. That dp said he would drop by in the evening and there was another dp from Sohail sahib, that could be a possibility barring that. I’ll give it a bit more time, but then I’m gone. I’m hanging on, because these puppeteers are deeply impoverished. I’m trying, because this is a good project and we’ll never see anything like it waiting for some company with commercial interests to bankroll it, but I can only do so much to fight against institutions, indifference, corruption, and all that is this hellish experience of trying to make a puppet film in Pakistan.I contacted the second dp in the evening and the meeting was shifted to tomorrow evening. Well, that’s one less day before I pull the plug. Between all of this, like a badly battered machine, I continued the tedious task of breaking down shots for the film in a spreadsheet. i spoke to a few dps and consulted other production friends who were kind enough to reassure me and give me advice.

Cracking

I spent the morning working on my shot breakdown spreadsheet, getting all the details on each shot in to prepare to shoot the film. It is a tedious process, but it will make the difference between focusing on the puppetry performances as a director or trying to figure out what we should shoot and whether it will flow with connecting shots.There was a handicrafts fair at Tollinton Market. It had a rs 200 entry fee, so that kept out most of the general public, and I got to see a lot of those wealthy folks from the other side of Lahore. It was quite miserable to be there. There was a lot of beautiful work on display. There were clothes, decoration pieces of wood and metal, paintings, toys, furniture and all kinds of beautiful things to appreciate, but it was so packed that I had to really force myself to walk through all of it. I just wanted to get out and stop dealing with all of this crap during this entire journey to make this film. I was looking for some clay pots that I need as props. I had picked some up in Multan which I would use for some shots, but I felt the need for some different ones for other shots. Unfortunately, the clay artists at the show did not have that, so I will search elsewhere.I pulled myself out of the show and walked over to Anarkali, thinking I would enjoy some food. Somehow, my mood was just sour. I walked up and down the street and though I was hungry, I did not want to deal with, see or eat any of it. I just did not feel a thing for any of my surroundings. The things I appreciate about being in Lahore, all seemed to just turn to ash and none of it mattered one bit to me. If anything, I felt really agitated by the usual insanity of motorcycles and cars trying to murder you in crowded streets like Anarkali and on main roads. There is no quarter given to pedestrians or really anything or anyone.So, I walked through New Anarkali which is even more crowded to find my way to Lohari Gate. I walked through the old city, all the way out to Delhi Gate, not caring where I might get lost on a wrong turn. I walked down all kinds of lanes, and felt none of that joy I usually feel, even in the madness of the old city. I did not stop to eat anything.Walking out Delhi Gate, I picked up some lace, bits of thin dupatta cloth and rope to use for backgrounds. I walked through traffic to Landa bazaar and started digging through the piles of cloth. There were even more people out today than usual, which is really saying something. I felt pretty miserable, but I kept walking and searching for materials. I found some large sheets of cloth that would take care of a few background related needs for “Risalo”.After that, I just walked all the way through the walled city again, grabbed an aloo naan along the way and munched it on the way to Hafiz Juice Corner back at Anarkali. I sat down tired and had a khoya khajoor shake. You don’t get those in Los Angeles as far as I know. It was nice. I walked through the book bazaar to Pak Tea House to meet a couple of friends I had not seen in a while. It was nice to catch up. They were headed back to Datchi and said my ticket should work to get back in, so I joined. I’m glad I did. It was still packed, but I certainly felt better with friends.I walked around once more and this time a few other things occurred to me to pick up. I finally found some clothes I liked for my adorable baby niece. One piece was from a project supporting women’s livelihoods in Sukhur, Sindh, while the other was from women in Peshawar, KPK. They are both beautiful and I can’t wait to be back in Los Angeles away from this mess, and in another, but at least playing with her.I also found some more ajrak. I had one that I picked up to go around the neck of a puppet, because I need a thinner cloth than traditional ajrak. I ended up getting a printed ajrak, as opposed to an actual block printed cloth and it was far too clean looking with crisp lines and none of the beauty and warmth of real ajrak. The thought of using it bothered me each time I looked at it. Besides that I needed some cloth to match or contrast another character’s dress to add a dupatta for a scene. There was an organization that had ajrak done on thinner cloth and one regular one that matched the dress, so I picked up both. It felt good to manage that.We all head back and I shared the animatics with my friends. One they felt worked really well, while they other was less easy to follow in just a visual form. That is good feedback, so I will work on that. I’m so exhausted. This day has been tough, not because anything in particular happened, but I push so hard to get each thing done and surprisingly manage a few things here and there, only to have to chase the next thing. Whether looking for items I need for the film or chasing down people that I am working with, I am so tired. It gets to me at times, and today was one of those times, where I just wanted to torch all of this, not because I don’t love the work that has been done so far, but because I don’t want to deal with the rest of this garbage it will take to try and get it done.That is just how it goes. I get it out of my system and I’m back at it the next morning. I’m too stubborn to just stop. I believe too much in the potential that we can make something beautiful and that it can benefit some people in this corruption riddled mess of a world. Yeah, I think that’s what it will be tomorrow, but today I just want it all to be done, so I can go home.

Goodbye Multan

I enjoyed a nice breakfast, thanks to Azam the next morning, before grabbing my things and heading to the main road to catch a rickshaw to the bus station. The rickshaw driver took us around the completely destroyed by seemingly unnecessary metro bus construction Multan roads. He stopped at one point and mentioned that he struggles as both his feet are disabled, or not in working order as he put it. He has a physical disability with his feet, and yet he struggles through it to drive his rickshaw. He mentioned that he had a few daughters and was trying to save rs. 3,000 for their school books, so if I could help at all he would appreciate it.You never know what situations people are actually in, but I gave him the extra money that I could to help him along his way, once we reached the station. Who knows what is true and what is not, but when you feel like believing, you just do. I got there 5 minutes before the bus was set to leave. I was not too worried, as there were seats and I could get another bus an hour later, but I managed to get my ticket and board the bus. There were less people on than usual, so that helped.After a tiring 6 hour ride, I was back in Lahore. It was dark and I needed to drag my bags to the metro station to get the rest of the way back. I pushed past rickshaw drivers who call out or try to pull you into a rickshaw along the way. These same guys would refuse to take me such a short distance if I asked. I had to get past a lot of them and the usual murderous traffic to get to the metro. One rickshaw driver tried to tell me that luggage would not be allowed on the metro bus so I should take a rickshaw. I wanted to tell him something else at that point, but I just told him he was wrong as I had ridden with the luggage.So, I squeezed in the metro with a backpack and suitcase that had a box on top of it and my tripod dangling on my shoulder. That was fun. It was packed as usual and after a bit I squeezed up to the far inside window. That saved me being knocked about as much every time we came to a station and people pushed out and pushed their way in. It made things more difficult when I had to get out at my station, but I managed. I took a rickshaw the rest of the way.I got back to my friend’s place and Umar was so nice, he made me some tea and an omelette. My brain and body were exhausted. I sat with him and we went over some of the work on huts he had been up to. The task is taking some figuring out and I need to get some more materials tomorrow, but his work is beautiful.

Rehearsing puppeteers

I spent the morning with some cute company. My friend Azam had to drop his wife Zareen at the University where she teaches. They are both talented artists and arts educators. The home is brimming with beautiful art created by the couple and by other artists. I love it. They are like family to me and have made my first and second trip to Multan so warm.So as I was doing some tedious shot breakdown tasks related to “Risalo” on my laptop, the most beautiful little smile kept me company. Little Sherebano hung out with me, doing her daily workout of pushups and smiling. She seems very eager to start crawling, standing and running around. She smiles and my heart just melts. It was great to have her there, helping me with my spreadsheets. After a bit, her brother Shazain came sleepily into the room. He seemed a bit concerned about where his parents were. I reassured him, gave him some water then we all went to the living room, away from the laptop and other things that must be broken.Azam came back, we had some breakfast, watched some cartoons and head to the design college. The puppeteers were in the area and so I went and got them and we sat down in the yard to do some work. I skipped through the two animatics to give them a feel for what we were doing. They got to see what some of the other puppets were like. I took out the four I had and let them inspect them and start trying them out. Talking will only get us so far. These artists need time with the puppets to figure them out in the context of what we’ll be doing with them.So we spent a good four hours figuring things out. Part of it was an audition to see how their skills were and equally to see if we could work together and figure out new things which is what this entire project is going to entail. We had conversation and they got along with each other. I know that sounds like a pretty basic thing, but trust me, it is crucial. They listened, and shared solutions for how we could get a particular movement out of a puppet. It was an exhausting 4 hours of explaining, and all of us collectively thinking and working together, but it was worth it. These puppeteers are fully capable of putting on their traditional performances. The movement is broad and big so that people way in the back can see it just as well as people sitting up in the front of the audience. For my film, we need finesse and subtle movements. That is not what they normally do, but we also have the advantage of being able to do multiple takes, set initial poses on puppets by hand and adjust their setup for a given shot. This is quite a bit like the animation work that I do. That helps in being able to guide the process. Their own experience as puppeteers is vital in figuring out if the strings need to be wrapped around the other side of the hand to get the palms facing in or out and things like how long they need the strings to be.I was very glad to see them take that initiative and with my blessings to adjust the strings and figure out new ideas, they ran with it. We figured out that certain movements will require multiple people to manipulate a single puppet. We also need space, so we will likely raise the puppeteers up on chairs or some kind of sturdy benches, with longer strings so that they can perform together. It will be an interesting challenge to put it all together, but they are certainly more able to handle the puppets than I am, and willing to take direction and work together to create solutions. That is what we need. This just might work.In the end we discussed payment and a timeline and I have to say that I am truly grateful that they were professional about it all. It seems we have created a good space to work together, with everyone’s needs met. We don’t have a master puppeteer who can bring out the most subtle of movements, but we have some puppeteers and it will be my job to help them do their best and take their art to someplace new. Khursheid works as the storyteller and as such does not perform the actual puppets, but he has been crucial in finding the puppeteers and giving me space to work. I’m not going to leave him behind. So he too will join us. Of course I have paid him for all of his help up until now, but part of building these relationships, besides payment is mutual respect and understanding as best as I can, the financial challenges that they face. I’m also under a lot of pressure to somehow pull this thing off before I run out of this shoe string budget.That is why I spend a lot of time and care in making sure that each person I work with feels respected and appreciated, while also knowing what my expectations are and making sure they are down for it. So we realized there will be a need for extra hands in spots. Khurshid will be needed, not only to wrangle the team, but I think he’ll be able to help with background characters as well. I feel like this is great. He won’t be cut out from any of the earnings or the excitement of working on a larger project like this, and he will be a valuable addition to our team. The last puppeteer we will add to the team is currently in Lahore, I was told, so I can see him there. I met several other puppeteers when I last arrived, but the more skilled ones were either too beaten down by life, or manipulative and deceitful. In either case, they would be perfect for performances, but much more challenging to work with on something more experimental.I said goodbye to the puppeteers. They thanked me and I felt a little nervous knowing that so much is on my shoulders, but better that we have the beginnings of a team and workflow after just a few hours of working together. Azam and Zareen took me to the craft market where Shafiq sahib among other artists sell their work. I had been there back in March and knew that I would be back to pick up props for “Risalo” at some point. I needed a number of small clay pots for “Risalo” as well as a few other items I had made a list of. Picking the items was easy. Shafiq sahib helped me out. The only challenge was payment. He would not let me pay for anything. People are so sweet and humble, and these are the very people you want to pay whatever you can to. Azam and Zareen are good friends and supporters. I had come with them and was thus like family. I will figure out a way to pay. I say this because many artists are so loving and generous, but they usually are struggling and have put their hearts and souls and a lifetime into their work. The least society can do is pay them some fair monetary compensation, as people do for all other goods and services in their lives.

Meeting more puppeteers

rickshaw art

I love the art in my friends’ home

hi there new friend

After a delicious breakfast with my friends Azam and Zareen and their little ones, we head to the Fine Arts Department at Bahauddin Zakaria University. It was interesting to walk around and see the class rooms and students. I saw students working in clay. These campuses are a huge blessing. Progress is hampered largely by a culture of deeply rooted corruption that keeps institutions from reaching their potential. As always, while walking down the corridors of institutions, I don’t see the damaged buildings or lack of electricity and polish so much. I mean, it is there, but what I really see is that there are large buildings, with a lot of space and institutions with the ability to pay bills, teacher salaries, connected to a network of institutions around the country. So much could be done, if people were not so corrupt and intent on not allowing others to get ahead.That system keeps the people who are struggling to make things better from being able to make the progress needed.From there we head to the Multan Design College across the street, and I grabbed a rickshaw to head to the Siyal Hotel, a little dhaba by the Eid Gah, where Khursheid lives. We had agreed to meet there to figure out how to proceed with getting puppeteers. He had visited different areas in Multan where the puppeteers, who are all related live and called some people in other areas to help me find puppeteers prior to my arrival. Over the phone, I had requested that he get people that are the best puppet performers, as well as good people that we could actually work with. These puppeteers are living in very difficult conditions. They collect recycling, sell eggs, or keep a goat or two all year round to sell during Eid season. They get called for shows now and then, but it is not often. I can’t even imagine the cut throat existence that exists in their world after seeing what salaried, educated people are willing to do to get ahead.Therefore, I have a heavy set of challenges to deal with. These puppeteers are not going to be at the skill level of the ones in India who are performing on a regular basis and have exposure to international puppeteers who visit. Yet I have seen that they are capable performers, and if they can take direction and we can work together, then we can make this puppet film; “Risalo”, happen.So I went to see Khursheid, and as it turned out, he had three of the puppeteers in tow with him. That was great. I got to see Jamil Hussein again, and met Muhammed Ishaaq and Abdul Hakim. I had tried to find Abdul Kakim before. Khurshid took me to the tent slum that his family lives in when I was here back in March. He was away, in a rough part of Karachi called Lalukhait, collecting recycling. I saw some of his photo albums and some wood puppet heads he had carved as well as a couple of beautiful puppets he had made, many years ago. Later, while in Karachi, I had tried to search for him again, thanks to the help of some truck artist friends. I was not able to meet him then either and just met his son there.He, as far as I have been able to find out, is the last puppet maker in Pakistan in this Rajasthani tradition. No one has learned from him, because what good is a skill that can’t put food in your belly? At that time, I knew that I could not expect that he would be able to create the main characters for the film. I ended up getting those made by Puran Bhatt in Delhi and then selected premade puppets from Rajesh Gurjargour in Udaipur, Rajasthan. I could not go to India, but my wife was able to bring them for me.So here he was, sitting at this table, a quiet older man along with some more worn, emaciated puppeteers. I was nervous coming in, because it is hard to wrangle people and an entire production.We talked about what I was trying to do, what they had done prior and what we could do together. I appreciated that Khursheid had discussed the project and myself with them already. They stuck to providing reassurance as to why they were qualified to do this work. To me, that is a very good sign. Without my even asking, they shared examples of how they had created puppet performances for the Health Department, with changes to their routine to reflect the script they had provided. They talked about these projects and displayed an understanding and strong desire to do the work. They didn’t play any kind of angle, sizing me up or trying to talk themselves up while talking someone else down. Those are strong warning signs that I have had to deal with a great deal with others.So we shared some tea in a little dhaba. They would not let me pay for it. We decided that holding auditions in the slum would be very challenging as we would be in a sense mobbed by people pulling out their old puppets, trying to fight their way in, without actually being trained performers. This happened when I came to scout puppeteers back in March, so I know it was true. We agreed to meet the next day at the design college. They would bring some of their puppets and I would bring the four I packed in my suitcase, and we could try this out.I head back to the design college, feeling good that at least in conversation, they were good. I want to benefit them, and when we create something beautiful together, we can all rise together.

Multan once again

I head out early in the morning and hopped on a Daewoo bus to Multan. The ride there was nice enough. The weather is much cooler now than my previous rides, which makes it a much better experience. Once in Multan, I hopped on a rickshaw and made my way to the Multan Design College, to meet my friend Azam Jamal, who is the principal there.I came to Multan to decide on puppeteers to work with for my film; “Risalo”. It will likely be a challenging process. I asked Khursheid, who is a storyteller during puppet performances, to track some suitable puppeteers according to my criteria before I arrived. That should help get things going.

Prepping for Multan

Best place to nest?

I spent the day getting ready to go to Multan and working on a spreadsheet breakdown of shots for “Risalo”. It is good to be at this point at last, but there is a lot to do. I need to keep tabs on all the people involved as well as to do way more tasks myself than I really should be doing, but that is the nature of my resources.There is a pigeon that has made its home in Imran’s kitchen. I have tried to shoo it away many times, but it always comes back. Days ago, I noticed that it had now laid some eggs. Now when I go to use the kitchen, it freaks out and flies around like crazy. The electricity was gone and it was rather dark in the kitchen. I went to heat up some food and it started flying and hitting the window, rather than going out the open hole in the top part of the wall.Umar is working on huts for the background in the film. It should be interesting to see how these come together.

Phool Patti in Lahore and Evernew Studios

I went out to meet my friends Haider Ali and Ali Salman Anchan of Phool Patti for a halwa puri breakfast in Anarkali. It was fun catching up a bit. They are on their way to India to share their amazing art.After breakfast, we walked through new Anarkali to Lohari Gate in the walled city and had some tea. From there we walked through the old city and came out the other side by the Lahore Fort. I walked them to the entrance of the fort then head out to Evernew Studios to meet Nomi to discuss shooting “Risalo”. He had just come off a busy production schedule, but we sat down and watched the entire animatic I had put together. He seemed happy to see that things were properly planned and quickly approaching being ready to shoot. He had since decided to switch which camera we would use, which I think is fine as it will save a lot on budget and still give us excellent quality for our needs.He had not put together any of the budget materials, so we still need to work that out and it looks like we will try for shooting a portion in November and then the rest in December, between his commercial responsibilities. That sounds fine. I think we are on schedule, with plenty of smaller tasks to do in the next few weeks so that we can shoot this film.Afterwards, I head to Delhi Gate and the Landa Bazaar. I picked up some interesting cloth for a river scene and lots of shiny gold buttons for treasure. I need to pick up a bunch of props in Multan during the time I’ll be auditioning some puppeteers and working to prepare them for the unique challenges with the way we are approaching puppetry for “Risalo”. There are so many bits and pieces to put together for each aspect of the film. There is very little momentum on any tasks when I am not directly involved at the moment. That is a huge challenge, but by providing a solid plan for all details of the project, I hope to create a strong production that each artist can add to during the process. It is just a lot of work to get to that point. The latest animatic has been a huge step in that direction.I spent the rest of the evening with Haider Ali and his friends. We grabbed some ice cream at Chaman and walked around Mall rd. There was a lot of talk regarding all the challenges and obstacles to being able to flourish with your art. I listened mostly. I certainly agree, but I was more interested in ice cream after the last few weeks of pushing to get this latest animatic together. I can’t just dwell on the obstacles if I am going to bring all these elements together and make this film happen.

Anything can and does happen

People love their political parties. Loud procession in the street.

I was supposed to meet a puppeteer yesterday. That was shifted to today, and that also did not happen. Apparently his brother got into a fight as soon as they got to Lahore on friday and now the brother and brother’s wife are in jail and the puppeteer is trying to get them out. This does not bode well for working with him. This of course is one of the many challenges in working with people.Certainly, anything can happen to anyone, but once we lock shoot dates, it is not an option to not show up, and can I get these puppeteers to show up for all the days of the shoot? Besides that, a production meeting was shifted at the last minute to tomorrow, so it was another day of waiting.I could not get my animatic for Sohni to render out, between the electricity going constantly and the computer freezing or software errors. I did figure out a way around this for my current purposes. I can play it back just fine in the computer, so I just used quicktime to record that portion of the screen. I could not get it to record sound, so I had to put that in afterwards. Well, it is something we can work from.I also made a list of props that need to be made or purchased. It is not a lot of things, but the there are a few that I need to make, so it needs to start happening now.

Perhaps tomorrow

The puppeteer I was supposed to meet got into some kind of issue and said we would have to meet the next day. So, I worked on my animatic for “Sohni”. I combined shots, removed some and lengthened others to create a smoother flow to the story. That’s about it. All day waiting, working, waiting for the electricity, waiting for people, and inching forward.Once again, it is a rather isolating experience to sit here and try and piece it all together. It’s not much of a life, but the work looks very good. Each day I think, well tomorrow some of these meetings will actually happen and I we can move forward, and I can have some ice cream.

In search of X-Ray Paper

Umar and I went out to look for some material that could be used inside of some cloth huts we are making, to keep their shape. We started at some art supply stores in Anarkali, looking for xray paper. It turned out to be a very thin kind of film. That would not do, so we walked through packed lanes and made our way to Urdu Bazaar. There are shops with all kinds of cardboard and paper. We even found a thicker sort of xray paper, but in sheets too small for our needs. Asking around, we were lead to Lohari Gate. Down the street from it there are all kinds of shops with printed cardboard and film from packaging. There was lots of beer case cardboard, flat and unused as well as candy bar wrapper paper and all kinds of other product labels, unused and stacked. We walked down a lane that had all kinds of xray paper and found a shop that had rolls of it that we could purchase by the kilogram. So we figured out how many yards we needed and estimated based on that.I’m really glad that Umar was there. He had suggested that I go to Mayo hospital and just ask for it, but I insisted that he come and somehow Mayo hospital ended up being the one place we did not go. It is tough to track things down, I have no idea what the local terminology for a lot of things might be as people don’t go on descriptions. They need things worded exactly as they understand it, otherwise forget it. I’ve seen that elsewhere too. Besides that, we needed to make sure that whatever we picked up satisfied both of us, in terms of what we thought was needed.With a couple of kgs of xray paper, we returned.

Wandering Gulberg

Once again, I worked at home most of the day, editing the animatic for “Sohni”. In the evening, I took the metro to Hafeez Center and picked up a USB hard drive. I’m going to need more space to store all of the data for this film as well as backups. I ended up walking around afterwards just to clear my head and be out for a while. There was no one to really hang out with, so I just looked around, checked out a bookstore, walked to Liberty and ate some soft serve ice cream as I used to when I was a kid with my family.I looked around at all these products and just stuff. My mind is set on this film and the work I am doing for it, so nothing else is of much interest. I don’t care about eating at restaurants or doing much of anything else. I just want to last long enough to get this film shot with all the beauty that it deserves, then take it all back to LA, setup life again and work on post.